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He cheated a year 1/2 ago...I have known about it for a little over a year. Trying to work things out. Full transperancy. I watch his @ss like a hawk, which is exhausting and NOT what a relationship is supposed to be like. We became engaged a week before I found out. He confessed about his ONS that took place almost 3 months prior after I busted him trying to hook up with a bartender the night before his confession.

I used to feel sooo incredibly loved by this man. I would walk in the room and he would light up.

I don't understand the mentality of cheating on someone you say you love.

I can't get the images of him and this other woman out of my head. She was 22 at the time, I was 33. I don't look like I did when I was 22...so I feel like every flaw I have now he compares it to that girl!

Ugh...I just want to feel the way I did before anything bad happened. I mourn us and trying to accept us as we are now just makes me sad.

I love him...but I hate him.