Though maybe we should look into whether there is anything we can do to get her some support. It is not something her father can afford. Her mother's family can, but they will not do that.
because I really don't know what is considered 'best' for a 10 year old, here.
Neither do I!
what is the balance between knowledge and safety, of trying to help maintain a relationship with her mother, but knowing that, when you send her, she is also experiencing trauma.
That's the terrible part. And we can't just not send her. That's not allowed. That gets us back into court. She's also just awful. The messages she sends my mother when she gets her hands on someone's phone are terrible. There is no blow too low -- and none of us will hit back because it's always going to be punching down.
but coming home with drug paraphernalia should be a tipping point of some kind, shouldn't it? would reporting that ensure future visits are supervised by someone other than the grandmother?
YOU WOULD THINK, right? I was just talking to a friend about this. They will do something when someone ends up in a hospital and not before. I really think that she shouldn't have unsupervised visits right now. She didn't used to. But then they decided her mother and stepfather could supervise. And they just don't. They break the rules all the time. We report it. They're told not to do it. Nothing happens.
I'm so glad she has you - to come get her when she's feeling scared or just to talk her through her scary moments.
Ugh, but I can't do that. Her mother and I live in the same city and I do not want her family to have my number -- but they have MY mother's number and I keep saying to mom "I am here. If she needs to leave -- if something happens and she needs to go fast, I am literally right here. I can get to her." When she goes and her mother ignores her because she's a wreck and recovering I WISH they would call me so I could take her a petting zoo or something. Just let her do kid stuff.
I have no advice, my father's alcoholism was something my mother tried to hide from us - we would go on a lot of unexpected vacations, and we wouldn't call home when we did. I didn't know that was because of his alcoholism until years later.
Woof. Your mother really must have gone through it. It sounds like she was able to protect you. I wish her grandmother would do things like that for her. Instead, she's just left by herself and she's so bored. I'm always joking about how she's our Ariel -- "I want to be where the people are" -- she is NOT an introvert. So this is torture for her.
Because we aren't biological relatives this whole thing hangs by a bit of a thread. But the older she gets, the more control she has over the place we have in her life.
