SoapZone Community Message Board

I spent the weekend "arguing" about a Reddit post. A guy and his wife had swapped tasks for a week because she'd complained about the number of "easy" tasks he does. Unfortunately, she didn't know, when they agreed on the switch, that this was the week when the annual two-cord supply of firewood arrived. He was smug about easily taking care of the kids and the "household" stuff while she struggled with the firewood stuff (specifically stacking it, in part because she'd forgotten that it was going to be delivered...make that "she'd forgotten that she'd arranged to have the firewood delivered"...and it had been dumped/delivered to their driveway and blocked the garage door. She had to go out for something and had to move the firewood to get her vehicle out.) He posted that he eventually helped her after she'd shifted some of the wood to go out and the rest of the wood was still in the driveway after the trip, after she asked him to help, an argument, and he wasn't going to consider swapping weeks until she apologized and "begged" him to swap back.

It hit me late last night that Mr. Smug claimed that he did all the outdoor tasks. They aren't easy. She just doesn't realize it...BUT he'd also said that she had forgotten that she had arranged to have the annual two cords of firewood delivered during the week they'd swapped. That means, based on having read the book, Fair Play, she carried the mental load of all his "outdoor" tasks.

There was a story in the book about the guy who does all the barbecuing. He's the [Kind of the Barbecue]. However, he doesn't order/buy the meat, prep the meat by getting it out of the freezer if necessary, marinate it or season it, get the disposable plates, utensils, or drink containers to include bottles of water in a cooler. He basically lights the magically there charcoal, turns the meat, and puts it on the magically there serving dishes/pans...then accepts the applause as the greatest master chef ever as everyone sits at the table and eats the magically there potato salad, tossed salad, bread, corn, etc. and wipes their mouths with the magically there napkins. The wife worked the magic. Mr. Smug's wife worked the magic of having the firewood arrive.

He's feeding the kids and bathing them and doing the laundry during his swap while being able to reach into the magic pantry to grab the magically there food for the kids, into the closet for the magically there bubble bath the kids like, and using the magically there laundry detergent, fabric softener, and whatever else he needs to do laundry.

Guys are calling this a FAFO moment even though he has a job that has him work 42 days away from home and 21 days off in a cycle to earn 75% of the family's income. She, according to him, is a stay at home mom (SAHM). (You may wonder how they get that 25% of the budget...she works from home while being a SAHM, so she has a job, too.)

Fair Play kinda explains why fathers "babysit" their own kids at their own home and expect applause with the mother having to pack a diaper bag, set aside the meal, and leave instructions...just as she would if she'd hired a babysitter. [The woman tends to carry the mental load of the entire task while the guy only does the visible parts of the task...while calling themselves doing half the tasks.]

She never fully offloads tasks and most guys don't fully pick up tasks.