It's mostly the fault of the manager, who is an utter nightmare. But she's allowed to keep her job usually by trying to scare homeowners with nonsense. She tried preying on my neighbor and get her to pay for something that wasn't her responsibility, when my neighbor was really vulnerable to it because English isn't her first language.
It's tough to avoid HOAs completely in the NoVA area, unfortunately. There are only a select few places where it's even an option. But I'd rather have a much less strict HOA. On top of wanting a yard. Really, also a dedicated pet room in general, so my bathroom (or bedroom) does not become the litter space again.
Very few condos do yards here - almost all the ones that do are two stories, and my mom lives with me so stairs would be great to avoid if at all possible given some mobility issues. So it's not a great option for a lot of reasons even if this particular situation hadn't made me want to run screaming from every HOA ever.