And just to let you know that I sympathize (more later) I just fail to understand the English language argument.
As an English major, my initial reaction to someone naming themself with a plural pronoun (they/them) was NO. Grammar says NO to that. But I’m also aware that language is constantly changing, so I can live with that change.
If we don't know someone's gender, don't we routinely employ 'they?'
"Why do you need me to see the pharmacist?" "They will fill your prescription. "
"What does my teacher want?" "They expect you to read the syllabus before class."
That's why I think 'they' makes a lot of sense.
My problem is that, as a polite Southern girl, I routinely address strangers as ma’am and sir. As in “Thank you, ma’am,” or “Excuse me, sir.” Only I am now aware that, despite their appearance, the people I’m addressing may not identify with “ma’am” or “sir.” I’m trying to do better, but it’s HARD after decades of being old-fashioned polite.
This is where I struggle the most as well. There's no good equivalent that I'm aware of to "sir" or "madam" or "miss" or "ms." So if I'm trying to get someone's attention, I struggle...especially when they present as one gender over another.
There are very few shorthands when it comes to a non-binary gender presentation. Unless I'm made aware, I'm more likely to screw up. And screw up I do because I tend to overthink it at times. I tell myself to be careful not to screw up and then I do.
