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From: bv143@FreeNet.Carleton.CA (T.A. Murray) Subject: PC: Friday Update - 9/19/97 Date: 22 Sep 1997 04:35:48 GMT Port Charles - Friday Update - September 19th 1997 (posted and e-mailed) PORT CHARLES - HEADLINES Eve is about to leave the restaurant, when Bennett enters. She is surprised that he has finally shown up. (And p.o.ed that she almost missed a free meal.) She asks him why he's late. He doesn't give her a good excuse, but he does give her a very small bouquet of flowers. PROMINENT SURGEON GIVES PRIVATE INSTRUCTION Another nurse (whom we will now refer to as Nurse Witless) asks Grace if she's seen Joe. (Since when is Grace his keeper?) Boardman is looking for Joe. Joe is late. Nurse Witless thinks he must have had a hot date. (Or trouble getting his English muffin out of the toaster oven?) Grace asks her why she thinks that. Nurse Witless thinks that Joe must have to beat off the women with a stick. Grace says Joe isn't going with anyone. Joe walks in and sees Karen at the Nurses' station. They both have a flashback to their close romantic call. (We go to the fridge for a couple more Diet Dr Peppers.) They don't speak to each other. As Karen walks away Grace asks Joe if he and Karen had an argument. Joe says no, but that it's a good thing he and Karen aren't working together that evening. Boardman enters and tells Joe he's late. Joe starts to make an excuse, but Boardman's not interested. He's put Joe and Karen on post-op rounds together, whether they like it or not. "Oh and uh...thank you for your support." LOCAL INTERNS' SCHEDULE CHANGED In the hallway of Forest Hills (Home for the mentally absent and possibly homicidal), Kevin is insisting that his father be moved from the substandard room he's been given. Doctor Nelson stubbornly insists that Victor can't be moved until the admission tests are done. Kevin asks how long that will take. The Doctor can't tell him, but assures him that the security is top notch and he has nothing to worry about. (Isn't that what Ryan's Doctor told him?) GOVERNMENT INVESTIGATION OF FOREST HILLS PENDING Cooper is lying in bed "confessing" to the priest he called over. He tells him that he has sinned big time. (Why? Does bad melodrama count?) The priest tells him that all God requires of him is to ask for forgiveness and commit to not sin again. Cooper says that commitment is an ugly word. After all, everyone in there is committed. (Now, bad puns, what's next? Priest Killing? God, what a pathetic villain. Unbelievable that he should still merit the title of Doctor when Kevin is denied it. And his plans; how stupid can you get; plans that involve possibly turning yourself into a vegetable permanently. That's bright.) T N' T -- Hey, whose that guy in the Hawaiian shirt with the goatee? Oh my gosh! COOPER -- That'll be enough of that crap. This update is mine now. You're not going to run down my brilliant plan. T N' T -- Oh yeah, Cooper, says who? COOPER -- Says this cool automatic weapon I bought out of state. Give me those notes, get me some champagne and sit down and be quiet. First off, let's change this stupid title. PORT CHARLES - THE COOPER FILES That's better. I say, "Personally, I think I'll be going." Then I strangle the priest, right there on my bed. Next scene. Eve compliments Bennett's choice of Restaurant. (Hey, if it's expensive and she's not paying for it Evie would think Denny's was great.) In answer to one of her throwaway smart comments., Devlin says, "You slay me," She says "if only." (Yeah, if only she had the guts. A little hemlock in the salmon should do it.) Bennett doesn't want a replay of his first night in Port Charles. "I hear the salmon's excellent." "You're not getting off that easy," says Eve. "I'm having lobster." She comments that with the money she paid him back he could buy this place. He says he never asked her to. And she reminds him that she didn't sleep with him for his money. (Sure, it was his winning personality.) She asks him what he wants. He asks what she thinks he wants, and she says. "Don't play with me Ben; I've seen you naked." (What's she trying to do give me a run for the money on the one-liners.) He tries to sweet talk her and she's not quite buying it. Still she's dumb enough to fall for the "missed you" line. Ahh, Geeze, another story line that doesn't involve me. What is this?! Joe and Karen and Boardman (Hoping that numbers will make up for a lack of brains?) are doing a post-op non-examine on a patient. Mr. Power Drill comes up with the brilliant diagnosis of a broken leg. The rocket scientist in bed fractured her leg riding on a mountain bike. Karen assures her that she'll be able to ride in the big race. The girl asks Karen and Joe if they aren't a couple. She can tell. The so-called Doctors leave the room. Boardman snidely compliments their bedside manner and then crudely announces that he has to go to the can. (Yeah, I really missed out not studying under this brilliant surgeon.) Karen and Joe immediately make fun of him and then hop to their favorite subject... sex... with each other. She says she has to work some things out. (Like that tiny "husband" inconvenience.) He agrees to give her space. (Like about three feet in his king- size bed.) Back in the nuthouse, Kevin is telling his father that he'll be getting a better room. (Well, I can promise an improvement in the ventilation, at any rate.) Kevin maunders on to his father about starting from where they are, and dealing with issues between them, and tries to not actually bother his father with any real ideas. Doctor Nelson, who wouldn't know security if it bit him on the butt, walks into the room. Kevin uses that as a convenient excuse to leave dear old dad in a locked ward. But first... first he has to poke his nose into things that aren't any of his darn business. He asks the Doctor if it's okay to come visit me. (Does he bring Candy? No. Does he bring flowers? No. Just a really bad attitude.) The Doctor says sure. I'm harmless. Bwahahahahahaha! What a set up line. At just that moment I'm kneeling over the body of the priest I just killed. I cross him in blessing and then check the tag on the collar. "I usually take a fifteen medium, but this'll do just fine." Pretty funny, huh? I strip off my hospital gown. Eve wonders if Bennett really missed her. Bennett remembers their first time together, how vulnerable she was and how now she's a strong, radiant woman. (Was anybody buying this swill?) The waiter brings the champagne and pours it into the glasses. (Wrong... he poured it wrong! The only person in this benighted town who knows how to pour champagne properly is that ex-deputy chick going out with the Australian billionaire.) He tries to remind her of the night they met. She hated herself for saying she loved him. He asks if she hates him. She says no. (Give it time.) He's sorry he hurt her and now he wants to look after her interests. He offers to get her into the internship program at Mass General. Evie finally sees the light. He wants to get rid of her so his daughter, little-miss-debutante, won't know Daddy's been getting some on the side. Devlin points out that it's for her good too, and that one of the reasons they broke up was because he wanted her to take a position at an inferior hospital. For his convenience, she reminds him, and that's all he wants now. He has some nerve asking her to leave. He gets nasty and says he's not asking. Rhonda, Karen's alcoholic mother comes out of the hospital elevator. She sees her daughter and complains that she has to track her down just to see her. Rhonda asks if Karen's all right. Karen looks over at Joe, as if he were the cause of her myriad problems. She tells her mom that she e-mailed Jagger. (I'm surprised she mastered the technology.) Rhonda says Karen deserves some happiness. Karen is waiting to hear from Jagger before she makes a move on the power tool man. Boardman enters and calls Karen and Joe over to tell them mountain-bike-girl died of a pulmonary emboles that came from her fractured femur. (Are they sure it wasn't a sugar overdose?) Boardman has already informed the family. He hates this part of the job; he hates it. (Funny, I was looking forward to that part.) Joe and Karen are shocked and upset and all that kind of stuff. Now I'm wearing the priest's outfit, and it really suits me. I try on the glasses in front of the little mirror. I try the title, "Father Greg Cooper." It works. Kevin comes down the hallway and tells the security guard he's there to see me. I'm squatting down by the priest's body, "Not bad for someone who's been mentally unavailable, huh, Padre?" I ask him to pray that no one tries to stop me, because if they do they'll be joining him. I tear off my hospital bracelet. I'm a Doctor, not a patient, dammit. Bennett tells Eve that he has influence at GH. She can't believe he'd really have her kicked out. (I can.) She's not leaving just so he can cover his tracks. He says she's making a big mistake. She says, "I did that when I got in bed with you." He says the only things she understands are money, sex and position. She sets the record straight. She gave him back the money, she's keeping her position at GH. But he's right about one thing she's not the needy girl she used to be. Bennett says that she's more agreeable after a bottle of champagne. (Well, who isn't?... Oh, yeah, me.) He wonders what her reaction to his proposal would have been if she had more to drink. "Don't let me keep you in suspense." She demonstrates, taking a swallow and then throwing the remainder on Dr. Devlin. "Screw you Bennett Devlin." (She's been there and done that.) Oh, come on, not another Karen scene. First she takes my internship and now she's taking up half this show. So she talks to her mother on the roof of the hospital. (In a fog, appropriately). Should she go after Joe or shouldn't she. Mom, naturally not big on marriage vows, says go for it. Joe could use some "comforting" right now. Karen says she's still a married woman. Joe is taking care of the "comforting" himself. In the interns room he makes a date with the sympathetic Nurse Grace, who is surprised, but not about to look a gift stud in the mouth. Oh, joy! Another Karen scene. Nurse Witless tells Karen that she got a package, express over night from Jagger Cates. (Who apparently couldn't figure out how to reply to the e-mail. Click... on... send.) Kevin walks into my room and completely misses the dead body under my bed. I'm laying in bed, covers up to my chin, pretending to still be comatose. He says I've been a busy boy. I've done a lot of damage and it was all for nothing. Burgess is exonerated, and they're going to prove I injected myself with insulin. (Well, big fat hairy deal. What's his beef?) "What a stunt," he says. "Your type loves stunts." (My type? Is that opposed to the knife-wielding, kidnaping-stalking-psychopath-type giving me a hard time here.) "You damned near killed the woman I love." (Sorry, it was hard to get her life story, from the other side of the elevator door.) "You're going to spend the rest of your life behind bars." (Hey, didn't somebody say that about you once...Doctor Kevin.) He leaves. Dweeb. I hop out of bed, "Dr. Collins, I haven't met anyone who can stop me." And I go over to the oxygen tank, that they conveniently left in the room. I tap it and it gives off a pleasant ting. "Wait until you see what I have planned for the finale." Cut to old man Collins, in the room above me. He's asleep and doesn't suspect that he might be blown to kingdom come. Cut back to me taking a match off the pack in slow motion. This is going to be so cool. T N' T: You'll never get away with this. COOPER: I can't believe you just said that. The update's already done. And Frank leaps out of the near-by elevator, dressed only in a towel, to rescue T n' T. The next day they are comforted by Chris, also in a towel. Director: Andrew Lee ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ XXXXXXXX XXXXXXXX * !! ( |\ | ( !! * *!* !! | \ | !! *!* |~| !! | \| !! |~| | |"It's that twin thing."-Ryan Chamberlain"| | |_| twinsofevil@geocities.com*tntmur@aol.com|_| bv143@freenet.carleton.ca * ui220@freenet.victoria.bc.ca http://muppetlabs.com/~davidj/tnt/tnt.htm http://members.aol.com/tntmur/index.html http://members.aol.com/tntmur/port/chuckles.htm ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~