Daily Updates

Port Charles Update for Tuesday, 12-Jan-1999

Hi everyone! Here's today's update -- my own personal commentary (which I hope will not offend anyone -- but I feel the need to voice my opinions on some things today! And those who know me know that cynicism and sarcasm are my middle names, so I'm sure you expect nothing less!) will be found in parentheses throught the update. Happy reading!

The show opens with Kevin and Eve (aka the Wonder Twins, who are now joined at the hip because they're both so *brilliant, generous, and caring*! Gag me!) at the lighthouse. Kevin had injured his back (Yeah! He's suffering! My desire for Kevin to suffer has gone from mental anguish to physical as well now -- so good for that limbo contest! Suffer, suffer, suffer you pinhead!) and Eve is trying to help him to bed. (Oh, joy!)

Back on Gilligans Island, Joe is trying to help Courtney stay awake, because she was bitten by a sea urchin. (Gee, I hope the poor sea urchin didn't catch any nasty diseases from her!) He needs to get her to a hospital, he says. (Good luck finding one, Joey!)

Victor and Mary are in a helicopter searching for J&C, right above the island, it appears.

In the PC jailhouse, Julie is having a flashback about how her "brother" threatened to kill her. Frank and Karen come to visit her. Julie suggests that perhaps Karen can give her a full frontal lobotomy, and that would be her good deed for the day! (Well hey, you know, that's NOT a bad idea! It'd certainly be an improvement!) Julie tells them that she doesn't want anymore visitors.

Victor and Mary find Joe and Courtney and have a happy reunion. Victor, genius that he is, comes up with a way to create a tea that may help Courtney.

Back to John and Yoko -- oops, I mean Kevin and Eve -- Eve is picking up all the books scattered about on Kevin's floor so that he won't trip over them. She finds one she likes (Gee wonder what it is -- maybe it's by that character Eddie Murphy created on SNL, wasn't his name Velvet Jones or something like that, titled "You Too Can Be a Ho!" Ooops, nevermind, she's probably read it already, many times, LOL!) and tells Kevin that she wants to read him a bedtime story. (OK, fess up -- who's the spy on PCO that works at PC as a writer? WAY too many coincidences have been popping up on this show lately. We KNOW you're out there -- identify yourself, pronto!)

Back at the jailhouse, Julie confesses that she lied about being pregnant (Well, DUH!) and doesn't want to see Frank anymore. Frank is crushed. (Get OVER it Frankie -- the girl is a SERIAL KILLER, not to mention a froot loop! You were showing MAJOR signs of brain activity again last week -- PLEASE don't disappoint me now!)

Back at Gilligan's Isle, the group gets about the helicopter and takes off.

Once more we are treated to the wonders of Kevin and Eve -- Eve has already sidled up to Kevin in the his bed (How subtle!) and reads him an Emily Dickinson poem. Kevin wants to ask her something, and Eve says he can ask her anything because she feels so close to him because they were held hostage together. (Well Evie, you were held hostage with half of the people in town at one time or another -- I don't see you climbing into bed with all of THEM! What an excuse! You were held hostage with that roommate of yours too -- I don't see you crawling into HIS bed reading HIM bedtime stories. Lord only knows why that is -- I'd have been in there every night if I were you. Ah well, no accounting for taste . . . ) Kevin tells Eve that what he'd really like is a massage! (Grrrr -- Kevin, you are TRULY a pinhead, aren't you! Can't wait for your new young honey to get her hands all over you! How subtle!)

Karen & Frank are at the jailhouse, after Julie kissed them off. Frank is mad. Then his phone rings -- it's Victor, and he puts Joe on the phone. Frank talks to Joe, then gives the phone to Karen. She talks to Joe, and they tell each other how much they love each other. (PLEASE let this storyline be ending -- I don't know how much more of this I can take!)

Back at the lighthouse -- Eve is giving Kevin a massage. "How does this feel?" Eve asks. "Words fail me." Kevin replies. (Me too. I think I'll just gag instead -- much simpler!) Eventually they kiss (and I hurl!), but Kevin's back goes out. (How ORIGINAL of Lynn Latham! Gee, does ANY of this ring a bell to the K&L fans?) Eve decides to leave, so she gets up and walks away (doing her best slut-puppy impression while doing so) and says "Tomorrow is another day." (OK, I've been WAY too nice here -- this is the LAST STRAW! Eve, you are NO Scarlett O'Hara -- and Kevin the Amazing Pinhead is DEFINITELY not even CLOSE to Rhett Butler, not by a longshot! Please don't soil the image of one of my favorite films in such a vile manner!)

Well, that's it for today! Hope you weren't TOO offended by my commentary!

Valerie