Daily Updates

Port Charles Update for Wednesday, 3-Mar-1999

Well folks, it's time once again for an update from ME, one that is completely and totally biased, naturally! The opinions expressed here are all in fun and grounded in HUMOR and NOT meant to offend, but if for some reason you ARE offended, PLEASE send me your hate mail, as I print it out and frame it and have quite a little collection building up for myself! It truly puts a smile on my face! Thanks in advance!

Anyway, on with the show . . . . .

The show opened with Eve and Bruce -- BTW, when I say 'Bruce', I really mean Kevin, but since IMHO this sex-starved 'fun guy' is NOT the Kevin Collins I used to know and love and rush home to watch every day, I just can't bring myself to call him that. He's now Bruce -- one of Kevin's alternate personalities -- the fun and carefree one, whom I have no use for, but apparantly somebody does, namely Lynn Latham, aka the Devil Incarnate, and I truly hope that a house falls on her as a result. But I'm not bitter, no siree . . . . (She says as she continues to stick pins in her Lynn Latham voodoo doll and wonders how much it would cost to have a curse put on someone.)

OK, so Eve and Bruce are at the lighthouse. Bruce shows Eve the security code to the lighthouse alarm system. Eve and Bruce exchange some 'fun' banter, saying things like 'I know 59 ways to disable a man with a drinking straw' and 'It gives me a thrill to know that you're here' and I am about ready to hurl my breakfast. But I digress . . . and now, ladies and gentlemen, we have, for your entertainment -- THE PODDING OF VICTOR COLLINS!!!!!!!! HOORAY!!!!!!!! Oh, joy, just what I wanted to see today -- my 2nd favorite character on the show singing and dancing, complete with top hat and cane, welcoming Eve to the lighthouse. And to think, just two weeks ago he was covering his eyes so as not to be blinded by the brilliance of these two. Well, okay, the singing and dancing WAS cute, I'll admit -- but only cause I love Victor so. And hey, who can blame his reaction, seeing as how brilliant, generous and caring Eve is . . . it was bound to happen sooner or later. *sigh* -- I wonder what's going on during Y&R today . . . .

Ah, where was I? Oh yes -- Chris, my darling, sweet, adorable, God, he looks SO cute with that video game, but doesn't he have a JOB to go to, must be nice to be able to sit at home and play video games all day, gee, I wonder if he needs an opponent now that Evie-poo has moved out, I'm pretty good at video games myself, and I'm a quick learner, and is there a game called 'Strip Zombie Killer', cause if there's not I'd be HAPPY to invent it with Chris, could be LOTS of fun, and . . . .

Oh, sorry, got a little carried away there for a minute! Back to reality -- well, PC reality anyway. Chris is playing his video game, and he flashes back to a scene from YESTERDAY's show with him and Eve playing that same video game, cause you know us viewers, we're so caught up in our IRONING that we miss little details like this, even in a 22 minute show -- thanks for the reminder, I'd have forgotten had they not shown that flashback! Chris looks sad. I'd happily volunteer to go 'cheer him up', but alas, he seems to have misplaced my phone number. Instead, he calls Courtney and invites her over for a prime rib dinner. Gorgeous AND he can cook -- why can't I meet men like this in real life?

At the nuthouse, Frank goes to visit Julie, who is still pretending she's pregnant to cover up the fact that she's pregnant. Got all that? Good.

Ah, back at the lighthouse -- Eve sets off the security alarm, cause she already forgot the security code! ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!! Ah, yes, another example of brilliance . . . . Anyway, Bruce offers her Serena's room. And they bring in her luggage. And the newly-podded Victor gets involved, and takes the luggage into Bruce's room. *sigh* I'm sorry, I'll just stop here . . . this is annoying me and I want to cry now. Back to more happy thoughts. Such as . . .

Chris! Hooray! And Courtney comes to the door. EWWWWWW! Chris tells Courtney that Eve has moved out. Courtney asks Chris how involved they were. Chris says they weren't. Courtney challenges Chris to a game of Zombie Killer -- she says she's VERY good at it.

OK, back at the funny farm -- Julie wants Frank to feel her belly, cause the pillow, er, baby is kicking, LMAO! Frank slyly (well, slyly for FRANK, anyway), brings up the topic of money. He wants to know where Julie's money is -- the baby will need it. Julie tell Frank that she's broke -- she and Greg spent all of their money murdering people. A good investment if ever there was one, I'd say! But Julie, you forgot about the blonde that was doing the nasty with YOUR boyfriend while you rotted away in jail. Can't you at least get out for one last 'hurrah' and take care of that problem. And HURRY, before Chris catches some awful disease from her!

Frank calls Courtney -- she pretends it's Neil for Chris' benefit. (HA! In his DREAMS will Frank have the mental capacity of Neil!) Frank tells her that Julie is broke -- Courtney says she doesn't believe it -- Julie is lying. She thinks Julie hid it somewhere.

Back to Eve and Bruce -- kiss kiss, hug hug, BARF, BARF -- nothing here to see that we already haven't seen, folks. Victor comes in and announces that he may get his own karaoke machine, oh please, for the love of God, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anything but THAT! Kill me now!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Eve tells Bruce she's never lived with anyone she's been involved with before, recounts the sorry saga of her and Devlin and her and DV, actually ADMITS that she was needy (WOW! Ok, I'll give Eve a brownie point for that one.), and then back to kiss kiss, hug, hug, VOMIT, VOMIT! Let's move on please . . . my stomach can't take so much brilliance in one sitting.

Back to Chris and Courtney. Chris, ever the smarty, starts to ask Courtney about her financial advisor. Courtney tries to stall by saying she's too busy playing the video game. Chris persists. (GO CHRIS!!!!!) Finally, to shut him up, Courtney pulls Chris into a passionate kiss. Chris is somewhat surprised, but responds in kind. He glances over his shoulder, looks at the photo on the table of he and Eve (AWWWWWWW!), and looks sad for a bit, but then goes back to kissing Courtney, and they fall onto the couch together. Okay, next time I want to see some clothes coming OFF here -- if I have to endure Chris and the town tramp, the least I can get is some SKIN here! From CHRIS, mind you CHRIS -- just in case you're not clear on this, I want to see at the bare minumum a shirt coming OFF of CHRIS!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you. We now return you to your regularly scheduled update . . . .

Frank is thinking -- don't strain yourself Frankie -- and DING DING DING you can almost see the lightbulb appear over his head! He realizes that Julie Devlin might be broke, but MARCIA COOPER is probably LOADED! Wow! Frank had a THOUGHT! And a GOOD one, too! And it had nothing to do with SEX! I'm amazed!

And lastly, we see Julie, PC's favorite nutty buddy, in her room at the looney bin, talking to her baby and telling it how daddy is trying to steal her money, but it's safe and Frank will never find it . . . . you know, it's frigtening when a serial killer/whackjob is one of the SMARTEST characters on the show! Truly frigtening!

And that's all, folks -- until next time . . . .

Once again, to all those who I have offended, bear this in mind -- Monica Lewinsky is now comparing herself to PRINCESS DIANA! Now, in light of that, is anything I've said in this update REALLY that bad? Didn't think so! T-A -- TA!

Valerie