Bobbie Jones Quiz

From: (Melissa Martin)
Subject: GH: Bobbie Jones Relationship Quiz (LONG)  
Date: Thu, 6 Jul 1995 04:50:20 GMT

   (*other husbands' names omitted because I was afraid I'd get the order
     wrong and look like an idiot.  'Nuff said.)

1. Your psychiatrist has been dating a woman of whom you disapprove.  This
   was fine with you as long as you thought he was just using her for sex, 
   but now you are getting the idea that he may have serious feelings for  
   her.  You:
   a. Continue therapy without mentioning it.  He is a professional, and
      this will not in any way interfere with his ability to help you.
   b. Discuss your concerns with him openly, but then continue therapy.
      If the concerns won't go away, seek another therapist.
   c. Insult his judgment and his taste in women.  Continue therapy
      anyway, but at the first opportunity, accuse him of taking her side
      and flounce out in a snit.  After all, if you're miserable, why       
      should ANYONE else be happy?

2. One morning you burst into your psychiatrist's office without an
   appointment and find him there with the woman of whom you disapprove.
   They are clearly in the middle of a conversation.  You:
   a. Apologize, saying you will come back later, and leave immediately.
   b. Apologize, asking when he will be free to see you.  Allow yourself
      to be convinced to stay after several attempts to leave.  You know
      this will drive the woman nuts but, hey, you *tried* to leave!
   c. Stand your ground, shoot nasty looks at the woman, offer her
      insincere compliments, and repeat unfounded rumors about her until 
      you drive her away in disgust.

3. One night at a blues club, you see your psychiatrist sitting at the bar
   alone, looking unhappy.  You then see the woman he loves openly flirting
   with another man.  Your psychiatrist has never been anything but 
   courteous, kind, and supportive to you.  You:
   a. Discreetly go to another part of the room.  The fewer people who see
      him, the less humiliated he will be later.
   b. Go and say hello to him.  You feel sorry for him, being embarrassed
      in this way by such an unworthy woman.  If he sees her, you won't  
      make a big deal of it, but you won't defend her behavior either.
   c. Go and say hello to him, point her out so he won't miss her, find 
      several ways to say, "I told you so" under the cover of false
      sympathy, and generally do your best to make him feel like an idiot.  

4. You are at a party, and your psychiatrist and the woman are apparently
   having problems.  The woman leaves, and he is clearly disturbed.  He
   walks away from the rest of the party to the food table, probably        
   because he needs a few moments alone to collect himself.  You:
   a. Pretend not to notice the entire event, instead busying yourself
      with the other guests.
   b. Walk over to him and ask if he is all right.  Maybe if you're lucky
      he'll spill his guts. 
   c. Walk over to him and offer a snide remark about the woman in as
      insulting a tone as possible.

1. You arrive, uninvited and unannounced, at your brother's house around
   dinner time.  You find your brother and his wife dining with your
   psychiatrist and the woman of whom your disapprove.  You:
   a. Apologize sincerely for intruding on their evening, politely greet
      each person, handle the business that brought you there as quickly
      as possible, and leave.
   b. Allow yourself to be convinced to stay for a drink and behave
      impeccably, in hopes of making the woman terribly uncomfortable.
   c. Treat everyone as rudely as possible and flounce out in a snit.

2. Your brother is heartbroken over his recent separation from his wife.
   He tells you of his sorrow.  You:
   a. Offer your sympathy and support, asking if there is anything you can
      do to help him.  
   b. Offer your sympathy and support, along with a few subtle remarks 
      suggesting that you think the wife's judgment is flawed.  You should
      probably mind your own business, but it's hard not to stick up for 
      your brother.
   c. Openly criticize the wife, using it as an opportunity to justify your
      own self-inflicted failed marriage.  When the wife enters the room,  
      give her a disgusted look and flounce out.

3. Your brother's wife comes into a cafe where you are sitting.  You      
   disapprove of her behavior in this separation from your brother.  She is 
   clearly somewhat uncomfortable to see you.  You:
   a. Welcome her graciously and kindly, asking how the children are and
      what she is doing these days.  If she brings up the marriage problems,
      you offer your sympathy and then change the subject.    
   b. Speak to her briefly but politely and then leave - you don't want to
      be rude, but you just can't condone what she is doing.
   c. Speak to her, lacing your discourse with snarky little barbs intended
      to make her feel worse, and generally butt into a situation about 
      which you know next to nothing.  

1. Your best friend and her husband are having an argument.  You are 
   standing close enough to hear some of it.  You:
   a. Walk away so as not to invade their privacy.
   b. Noticing the approach of Nurse "Heat-Seeking Missile" Vining, you 
      go up to them and suggest that they continue their discussion where 
      they won't be overheard.
   c. Creep closer and eavesdrop as much as you can.  It's fun to hear      
      somebody besides you and your husband fighting for a change!

2. Your best friend's husband comes to you after the argument, dejected 
   and confused.  He asks for a sympathetic ear.  You:
   a. Listen, offer sympathy and understanding, and then mind your own 
   b. Listen, suggest alternate viewpoints, and encourage him to discuss 
      it further with his wife.  It's fun to be the therapist for a change. 
   c. Go out drinking with him. 

3. Your best friend comes to you after the argument, dejected and confused.
   She asks for a sympathetic ear.  You:
   a. Listen, offer sympathy and understanding, and then mind your own 
   b. Listen, suggest alternate viewpoints, and encourage her to discuss
      it further with her husband.  This therapist deal could be habit
   c. Take the husband's side and tell her, "Get over it!"  After all, if
      you're miserable, why should she get what she wants?

1. Your stepdaughter has just been killed by a drunk driver.  Your niece
   is gravely ill and needs a heart transplant.  You:
   a. Stay close by your husband and his brother and family in this time of
   b. Grieve openly for your stepdaughter, who was very dear to you. 
      You are too upset at this time to offer comfort to anyone else,
      but who can blame you?
   c. Have sex with the town pariah.                  

2. It is the first anniversary of the death of your stepdaughter, which is
   also basically the first anniversary of when you had sex with the 
   town pariah.  You feel the need for some physical closeness with your  
   estranged husband.  You:
   a. Go to him, express your sorrow, and simply ask if you can hold each
      other for a while.  He is probably emotionally fragile on such a
      day, and attempting anything more right now might be harmful.
   b. Attempt to seduce him and, if you fail, be sympathetic, understanding,
      and discreet in spite of your disappointment.  Maybe he'll feel like
      dropping by some night for a rematch, if you catch my drift.
   c. Attempt to seduce him, and get petulant and upset when you fail.  You
      then spill the story to your psychiatrist (who is also his friend), 
      his brother, and your best friend's husband, so that as many of the
      men he knows as possible are aware that his little engine just plain

3. You see your estranged husband hugging your sister-in-law.  It's not
   passionate, so it could be a gesture of comfort, or it could be
   something more.  You:
   a. Leave them alone.  She may be upset about something, and later you 
      will try to find out, but right now you don't want to intrude.
   b. Approach them, saying, "Hello!  Has something happened?"  That way,
      if anything *was* gonna happen, you're there to stop it.
   c. Shriek like a banshee, fling accusations about, and DARE them to tell 
      you that anything is wrong.  

4. Ever since the banshee incident, you have begun to suspect there is 
   something going on between your estranged husband and his sister-in-law.  
   a. Tell yourself that you are imagining things and, besides, you told
      him not that long ago that you wanted to consider that the two of
      you were not married for the time being, so in reality he can do
      whatever the h*ll he wants without your permission.
   b. Go to him and calmly explain your concerns.  Ask him if there is any
      truth to your suspicions.  You figure that if he knows you have
      been watching, it may nip this in the bud.  And, just in case, start
      mixing traces of arsenic into your famous meat loaf sandwiches and
      offering them to your sister-in-law regularly.
   c. Run to your shrink without an appointment on a holiday when the poor
      thing has to work, and take up some of his time while you spill your 
      guts.  Why wait till tomorrow - if you're upset, why should ANYONE
      be happy?

1. At the July 4 picnic, you notice additional evidence that your estranged
   husband is attracted to his sister-in-law.  You:
   a. Ignore it; he is just concerned about her welfare, from his sense of
      responsibility to her.
   b. Sit by him and cheerfully attempt to distract him.  If you can be
      entertaining and charming, perhaps you can give him something more
      interesting to think about.  It shouldn't be much of a challenge -
      she is such a bore that nobody has even noticed that she cut off  
      most of her hair a couple of weeks ago!
   c. Run to find your shrink so you can spill your self-pitying guts.

2. You find your psychiatrist.  He is lying on his back on a blanket in a 
   somewhat secluded spot, arms behind his head, in an attitude of total 
   relaxation.  He is smiling up at his lover as she sits close by him, 
   eating a strawberry.  A full bowl of strawberries sits on the blanket.  
   All the fans of this couple are hoping to see some imaginative new ways 
   to feed finger food to another person, as this couple is known to have 
   quite a bit of talent in this area.  You:
   a. Decide that this would be an inopportune time to interrupt, as the
      couple clearly want to be alone, and the couple's fans clearly want
      to watch them being alone.  You will try to see him tomorrow at
      the hospital. 
   b. Stand there for a moment, perhaps clearing your throat softly, to see  
      if you will be noticed and invited to explain what you need.  Then,
      noticing the menacing fans glaring at you, you change your mind and
      sprint off, relieved that you are wearing your new Reebok cross-
   c. Walk right up to them and ask to speak to your psychiatrist right 
      away.  If you are upset, why should ANYONE be happy, including all
      those stupid fans!

3. You have asked to see your psychiatrist right away.  His girlfriend is
   displeased and tells you that "the doctor is not in."  He slowly
   but politely begins to sit up in order to speak to you.  You:
   a. Apologize sincerely for the intrusion, ask to see him at the hospital
      tomorrow, and leave at once, embarrassed to have interrupted such
      a romantic scene.  You then apologize profusely to the fans in the
      hope that they will not slap you silly for your near-transgression,
      and you start warming up those Reeboks just in case.
   b. Say, "Oh, no, please, I'm sorry for interrupting - I should go."
      You then allow him to talk you into staying.  You hope he will
      protect you from the fans and, in case he won't, you make a mental 
      note to shop for anti-slapping armor ASAP.
   c. Ignore the girlfriend and stand your ground until you break up the
      romantic little tableau.  If YOU aren't getting any, why should
      anybody else?                

Give yourself 0 points for each "A" answer, 1 point for each "B" answer, 
and 2 points for each "C" answer.  

0-8:   Forget it; you are NOT Bobbie Jones material.  In fact, you are
       probably a viable candidate for sainthood, or a recurring role as
       a female relative of the Wards.

9-17:  Like Bobbie, you believe in taking action when relationship problems
       arise; however, unlike her, you don't do it like a bull in a china
       shop.  You are clever and subtle, and such nuances escape her.

18-21: Some Bobbie Jones behavior is creeping in here, but overall you
       show fairly good sense in your relationships.

22-25: You show definite Bobbie Jones tendencies, but you still have      
       rare fits of good judgment.  You may want to post a "No Slapping
       Zone" warning on your front door to be safe.

26-33: I'd be shopping for those cross-trainers and that anti-slapping
       armor if I were you.

34:    Is your name Barbara Jean?  Do you have red hair?  Have you had
       major cosmetic surgery?  Did the results of this surgery almost
       fall out of your Cinderella dress at the Nurses' Ball?  Drill
       Team!  Red Alert!  Here is your target!!!!!!!!

Addendum to Bobbie Jones Relationship Quiz

Nurse Bobbie's behavior on the August 24th show has inspired me to provide an
addendum to the Bobbie Jones Relationship Quiz I posted back in early July.
These are extra credit questions:

1. It is your son's birthday.  Your husband asks you if you are ready to go
   home to make preparations.  You:
   a. Say, "Of course!", and leave with him.  Your son's happiness is the most
      important thing to you.
   b. Explain that you must visit your despondent brother first.  You pay him
      a quick visit to make sure he's okay, and then you go home.
   c. Explain that you must visit your despondent brother first.  Then, with
      only minimal arm-twisting (in fact, let's call it pinkie-twisting),
      you blow off your brother and go drinking with your best friend's
      husband instead, while your son waits at home, wondering if Mommy has
      forgotten his birthday.

2. You find yourself attracted to your best friend's husband.  You:
   a. Avoid him as much as possible, and avoid conversations with him when
      you are forced to see him.
   b. Explain to him that, though you find him attractive, you cannot spend
      time with him.  You then refuse his invitations.
   c. Explain to him that, though you find him attractive, you cannot spend
      time with him.  You then see him socially at every opportunity, while
      continuing to insist that you must not see him.  After all, as long
      as you SAY you can't see him, you've done everything you can, right?

3. You and your best friend's husband share a small kiss.  You:
   a. Leave immediately, and avoid him in future.
   b. Tell him this must never happen again.
   c. Gaze at him, lips parted, bosom heaving (I'll omit the obvious 
      comments), until he figures out you are willing.  Then you share a
      serious lip-lock.

4. You and your best friend's husband just shared a serious lip-lock.  You:
   a. Leave immediately, and avoid him in future.
   b. Tell him this must never happen again - it is unfair to your friend.
   c. Tell him this must never happen again because, gee, if it did, you'd
      have no will power left and would probably jump him right on the spot
      and do all kinds of excruciatingly fabulous things to him, and clearly
      he wouldn't want THAT to happen.

5. Your #1 enemy observed your serious lip-lock, and confronts you.  You:
   a. Tell her it was a mistake that will never happen again.
   b. Lie a little, and try to tell her you were just comforting each other,
      and assure her it will never happen again.
   c. Tell her she didn't see anything and, besides, it's all her fault that
      you are such a slut, and how dare someone like her criticize a person
      of high morals such as yourself, anyway?

I thought it was a hoot watching Bobbie trying to take the moral high
ground.  As Vicky observed, she wouldn't know moral high ground if it
jumped up and slapped her in the face.  My, what a nice segue.....

Captain, Precision Bobbie-Slapping Drill Team, aka BBA Dream Team
VP, Slapping Bobbie Silly when she Bothers Kevin and Lucy, MHGC Boobie