Lucy Limerick

Subject:     Lucy Limerick
Sent:        12/3/96 9:15 PM
From:        Kathy Mardis,

There once was a lady named Lucy.
(The gossip about her was juicy!)
And though rather wild,
she bore Scott and Dom's child.
She's really good-hearted,  so you-see.

She thought that she'd found love with Scott.
But he left, and he took her - Not!
he left her there stranded,
and quite empty-handed,
except for the stock that she got.

She didn't have that many cares
'til Damien wanted her shares.
So he proposed a bet:
Any woman I'll get -
once I've displayed my best wares.

Well, Lucy thought Bobbie was pure.
So her answer to D was, "Well, sure!"
"You'll see -  I will win.
Bobbie NEVER will sin.
She's got Tony - she'll by pass your lure.

Lucy didn't know Bobbie too well.
In the end she fell under D's spell!
He charmed and he teased.
(Bobbie really was pleased)
And her marriage just went all to ....heck.

Then Luce met Doctor Kevin, a shrink.
And it made Lucy stop then and think:
"This really IS heaven-
I'm crazy for Kevin!
 (I can tell from my own pyschic link!)"

Doc's evil twin (Ryan, by name),
escaped from the place for insane.
'cause he shared the same face, 
he could take Kevin's place
and play poker (but Luke won the game).

Mac and Felicia were supposed to be wed,
but almost got blown up instead.
Everybody was charmed,
(well - Mac broke his arm)
when Ryan got conked on the head!

Lucy constantly showed at Doc's job
(with the door  locked - to keep out the mob.)
"Ravisher! Ravishee!
Toss a coin!  Can't you see?",
Lucy cried, "You just make my heart throb!"

Then Lucy acquired a duck-It
was just for her supper: pot luck-It
rode with Luce all around -
'til  she tracked Kevin down.
And she gave it to him, and cried, "Pluck it!"

Lucy caught Kevin home on his couch.
(And at kissing, our girl is no slouch)
but the phone it did squauk
and he dropped her to talk!
(When he did that, she probably thought, "Ouch!")

"You share with Felicia!",  she cried.
"And won't let me get close inside!"
He replied, "Well, you're right."
And then spoke of the night
when Grace, his last lover, had died.

As midnight chimes started to knell
Doc went under a hypnotic spell.
Had he killed Grace - No!
Change the record to show
that he'd tried to save her as well.

Doc and Lucy let love in their lives.
Till Kevin developed bad hives
When you've got a bad itch,
Making love is a b***h!
which passion just never survives.

Not even with one you adore
can you make love with worms on the floor.
In the back of a car? Well?
After hearing Ms. Bell.
It ruins the mood - that's for sure.

They tried it again - in the bathroom.
Doc slipped and their love failed to bloom.
Unconcious and shaken,
to the ER Doc's taken.
(but he's lucky it wasn't a tomb!) 

Kevin's stay in the hospital's no party
(unless you count kind Dr Hardy)
to give Kevin a booster
Steve made him a rooster
(Kevin's thanks were just a tad tardy.)

Kevin went home to rest his poor head.
Lucy joined him (to read in his bed).
Then, (heavens above!)
they FINALLY made love.
The earth moved - 'least that's what they said.

For a pet, Luce adopted the duck.
(You can't say she doesn't have pluck!)
No fowl remarks - please!
Sigmund charms all he sees -
And into our hearts he has snuck.

They went off  to the Isle of "La" Duck
When the storms hit, they really were stuck.
(Mac and Katy there, too?)
No power! No food!
Yeesh - lizards and Katy - what luck!

Then Ryan (you know -Doc's evil twin)
escaped from the nut house again.
Filly's child, he kidnapped,
but he finally was trapped
And he then paid the wages of sin.

To Buffalo (with D) Luce did go.
Kevin just couldn't stand it, and so:
In a rare move (none bolder)
tossed her over his shoulder.
Did she seem to mind it?  - Oh, no!

D said, "I'll give it just one more try - a
psychic I'll hire - Madame Mia!"
Two large female Brits
came to town, they were hits!
(Thank the Lord that their skirt hems weren't high-a!)

Being Norma (for Kevin) was rough.
(With make-up and high heels to doff)
but he  REALLY was pained,
When Lucy exclaimed:,
"Gee, Norma, your hair just came off!"

D set up the ultimate frame
for his murder: Ms Bell gets the blame.
But Luce had a vision
and made it her mission
(For Mac's sake) to clear Katy's name.

So Ms Coe went off to San Antone
(Though she hardly was traveling alone)
Luke, Kevin and Mac
all joined the attack.
and they brought D back home (to atone).

At Luke's Place, D sulked (drinking beer).
Mac said, "Throw him out on his rear!"
But Luke said, "Desist -
for some lucky fist -
Will soon hit his nose! (Or quite near.)"

Our Doc and Ms Coe drinks were sippin'
when D spoke (into vulgarisms dippin')
In the ensuing fight.
Kevin put out D's light
Quote Justus, "That's one good butt-whippin'!"

Luce and Doc became "Damien-free"
D's killer, now who could it be?
Suspects - quite a lot -
even Kevin was "hot";
and brought in by the PCPD.

Time went on, and tho' Kevin's no Ryan
We saw to himself he was lyin'
He didn't remember times
he commited some crimes
that caused our Felicia some cryin'

He took Felicia out to an isle
Don't be worried - for after a while
Mac, Luce and Tom solved the clues -
put themselves in Doc's shoes
and followed down his trail of guile.

Tom and Mac stood outside (with a gun)
While up to the house Lucy run
Then Lucy, she lied
just to go on inside
But as her lies go  - it's a small one.

Kevin brandished a very sharp knife
and Felicia feared for her life.
Then she got away -
though Lucy did stay.
What would happen? The tension was rife!

Though Lucy knew Kevin had stalked.
She felt she could help if they talked.
She calmed all his fears,
and with Kevin in tears,
into the hallway they walked.

She managed to work out a truce
as he told of his mother's abuse,
When he told of his shame,
 he remembered her name.
One heck of a woman - Our Luce!

Then Kevin was hauled off to jail
And (thanks to Felicia) - no bail.
The charges were dropped
(a plea he had copped)
But that's not the end of the tale.

Kevin's catatonic state wasn't real!
And he wonders how would Lucy feel
"If she knew of my lie 
would she say, "bye-bye"?
Or still love me with all of her zeal?"

Kevin comes home this week (I think).
And he'll soon be no longer a shrink.
With a ring 'round his ankle,
but we are just thankful -
At least he's not stuck in the clink!

Love conquers all - at least for some.
(If they split up, the writer's are dumb.)
Because Doc and Ms Coe
are the best on the show
Stayed tuned - there's lots more to come.