Top Ten Lists

Top Ten Newbie Hints For RATSA Survival

10) Learn to hint subtly for updates
      GH Updaters are sensitive.  Though you're not asking for
      them specificly to provide an update, they still percieve pressure.
      Instead ask for specific knowledge such as "What did Kevin and
      Lucy do today," and  "Does anyone out there know if Luke was
      arrested?"  After all no one really cares about everything that 
      happens on GH, but if you do, pump those that e-mail you for
      further details.
 9) Read the FAQs
      Ha!  We give this advice, but we never followed it.  Yes, it's
      true.  We never bothered to read the ALL: FAQ's and only 
      read the GH ones by accident.  But, if you're going to take this
      road, then be vewwwyyy careful.  It's like driving a highway at
      night without headlights; if you hit someone the net.cops will
      bust you.
 8) Cozy up to the right people
      Yeah, take a page from Carly's suck up book.  Find the most
      aggressive, yet still popular, RATSA poster and get into their
      good graces.  Run and hide behind them when the flamethrowers
      come out.
 7) Write long notes with big words in them
      Even if people disagree with you they're liable to mistake you for
      a thoughtful and intelligent person, and cushion any insults they
      may have hurled.  Keep a dictionary and thesaurus nearby.
 6) Make nostalgic cultural references
      No matter what else is in your post, people will pick up on that
      and start a nice tangent, about when they used to watch, "Father
      knows Best" or the "Cosby Show".  Most of all know your "Star
      Trek" and "Brady Bunch" trivia; it comes in handy.
 5) Know the Difference Between a Flame and a Disagreement
      It's subtle but it's there.  Saying, "No, you're wrong, Lily is
      nice and Brenda is a bitch," is not a flame.  If you take it as
      such you'll be getting into a lot of wars.  "How can you be 
      so stupid as to like Brenda," is a flame.
 4) Laughter is the Best Medicine
      The best thing to douse flames is humor... er... tasteful humor.
      (Nothing that Howard Stern might say.)  Should someone say,
      you're stupid to like Brenda, say something like, "It's true, they
      dropped me on my head as a child and now I just adore any
      dark-haired vixen who traipses across the tv screen."  If they
      don't laugh, they'll at least be confused.
 3) Too Many SPOILERS Cook Your Goose
      Hard as it is for us to believe, some people don't like to know 
      what's going to happen in advance, please don't tell them what's
      in the pretty beribboned box.  Put in warnings and Spoiler space.
      This includes discussing the day's show.  That's spoiling until
      the next day.
 2) Don't Multi-post
     We realize that this is sometimes accidental.  Some of the diceyer
      services indicate your note hasn't been posted when it has.  Be
      patient and wait to see if an experimental note pops up.  Never
      purposely repost a note over and over and over.
And the number one hint for newbies on R.A.T.S.A.
 1) We All Want To Change The World
      Get all those nasty thoughts of Revolution out of your heads.
      You can't overthrow an anarchy.  No one is running this place,
      and we can't imagine why they'd want to; there's neither profit
      nor power involved.  The updaters, FAQ posters and FGC
      CEOs are only trying to express their appreciation of GH and
      a desire to help other fans.  Sure we're a crusty bunch, but once
      you crack the exterior there's a chocolate creme middle.

"A RATSAer is a soap watchin' computer geek with a flamethrower and an attitude." -- Anonymous singed Newbie